All the Ways Opening a Pub Will Go Wrong — According to Jeremy Clarkson

Clarkson’s Brutally Honest Advice

Jeremy Clarkson has warned a charity boss against opening a pub, saying the experience is “relentless” and filled with endless frustrations.

The Clarkson’s Farm star shared his tongue-in-cheek list of everything that “could and would go wrong” when Baroness Monckton of Dallington Forest told him she was planning to open a pub in Brighton.

The Conservative peer revealed the exchange in the House of Lords, during a debate on the Licensing Hours Extensions Bill — which aims to make it easier for the Government to extend pub opening hours during major national events.

A Charity with a Purpose

Lady Monckton’s charity, Team Domenica, is named after her daughter and helps young adults with learning disabilities gain employment.

She explained:

“In a few weeks’ time, my charity is opening a pub in Brighton. This has required major investment for the acquisition, refurbishment and training facilities, funded by a combination of donations and a significant mortgage.

It will give enhanced training opportunities for our candidates, in addition to our existing cafés and coffee roastery.”

But when she asked Clarkson — who opened his own Cotswolds pub, The Farmer’s Dog, in 2024 — for advice, his response was blunt.

“His reply was succinct: don’t do it. And this was followed by a list of all the things that could and would go wrong.”

“You’ll Notice Every Broken Light Bulb”

Reading from Clarkson’s email, Lady Monckton shared his brutally honest words:

“When you step into a pub that you are running, you immediately notice the broken light bulb, the wonky loo roll dispenser, and the cock-eyed picture.

As there’s no money in hospitality these days, you can’t afford to get someone in to put everything right. You must do it yourself.”

And the challenges didn’t stop there.

“Then, while you’re doing it, a food allergy enthusiast will claim they saw a potato, which has made them go blind. Then the guy you employ to clean the lavatories after the pub shuts will phone in sick — and so you have to do it yourself. It is relentless.”

Yet despite his humor and cynicism, Clarkson ended on a more encouraging note.

“There will come a time when everyone sits down after work and has a drink and a sausage roll, and all of a sudden it’ll make sense. It’ll especially make sense for you, because you are doing it for a very good reason.”

Pubs and the Licensing Hours Bill

Lady Monckton’s lighthearted anecdote came as peers debated the Licensing Hours Extensions Bill, which aims to simplify how pubs can extend opening hours for special occasions such as royal celebrations, jubilees, or major football tournaments.

Under the current system, pubs must either apply individually for temporary event notices — a process that costs money and requires at least 10 days’ notice — or wait for Parliament to approve a blanket extension.

The Bill, if passed, will allow ministers to approve short-term national extensions without requiring full parliamentary debate, cutting through what supporters call unnecessary “bureaucracy and red tape.”

“The Beating Heart of Our Communities”

Introducing the Bill for its second reading, Tom Watson, the former deputy Labour leader, described pubs as “the beating heart of our communities.”

He said:

“When moments of national significance arise — whether a royal celebration, a major sporting final or a solemn occasion of mourning — pubs and hospitality venues often face unnecessary bureaucracy.

We saw the consequences of that in August 2023, when the Lionesses reached the World Cup final. It was a huge moment of national pride, watched by millions, yet thousands of venues were unable to open early and allow communities to come together.”

A Shared Love of the Great British Pub

Cross-party support for the Bill highlights the enduring cultural and social importance of pubs across the UK — whether it’s Jeremy Clarkson’s bustling Farmer’s Dog in Oxfordshire or Baroness Monckton’s soon-to-open charity venue in Brighton.

And while Clarkson’s advice was laced with sarcasm, his words also carried the wisdom of experience: that running a pub may be relentless — but for the right reasons, it might just be worth it.